SON OF GOD PG-13 138 Minutes Director: Christopher Spencer Writers: Richard Bedser, Christopher Spencer, Colin Swash, Nick Young, God
Nelson: Hey, Simpson, I hear your sister dumped Christianity. Bart: Who cares? Dolph: I'll tell you someone who cares. He's got long hair, works as a carpenter, has a lot of crazy ideas about love and brotherhood. Jimbo: His name's Gunnar and he's dating my mom. Sometimes he buys us beer. —THE SIMPSONS, DABF02
CAST Diogo Morgado... Jesus Amber Rose Revah... Mary Magdalena Joe Wredden...Judas Roma Downey...Mary, Mother of Jesus
7 Day Theory
I never paid attention in Sunday school, or to the Stations of the Cross. But that worked to my advantage. Because I had no idea how SON OF GOD would unfold.
Before I go any further. Christianity is a sensitive subject. So I'll try to keep the blasphemy to a minimum. Which means no jokes about cross training shoes.
This movie...
-Is not about George Burn's kid.
-Nor is it a continuation of HE GOT GAME; unfortunately, there is no second coming of Jesus Shuttlesworth.
-Doesn't feature Morgan Freeman.
I'm Just Going To List My Complaints:
-There's not enough 'passion'.
-The film maker assumes we've already read the book. And that we can just mentally fill in the details. Just like with that GOOSEBUMPS TV show. If I wanted to read a book, I'll go to school, where I'm forced to read.
-There is no humor, and it's far too serious. Would it kill someone to crack a smile?
-The plot moved too slow, and the excessive James Earl Jones-esque narration didn't help either.
-The overall lack of historical accuracy and the lack of artistic license.
-The Romans couldn't have been that bad. I may have to contact the Italian Anti-Defamation league. Because Mamma mia, that's-a spicy meat ball-a!
-Did that Judas guy have to be such a dick?
-I'm not Johnny Cochran or anything, but this Jesus fellow, he got a raw deal.
Miscellaneous Observations
-John the Baptist looks like Adam Duritz.
-The evil guy in the grim reaper outfit looks like Obama, before he transforms into a snake. The symbolism here is puzzling.
-It's always a good sign if you haven't heard of any of the actors in a picture. Although there was one actor I did recognize. The lady with the Irish accent in TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL. I think she committed a horrific crime, and figures the safest thing to do is hide out on the set of an obscure movie: nice try.
That Last Meal
This felt like a MONTY PYTHON film, without the intentional jokes. SON OF GOD, the film-not the guy, goes beyond Mel Gibson-bad, it's full-on, Kirk Cameron-bad. While I didn't pay very close attention in Sunday school, I do remember the seventh commandment: thou shall not steal my precious time.
Final Verdict: 20 out of 100
Sidenote: Five of those points are because the film's chief character looks like me.