Part 1 of 24: Complainin' About Tyler Perry
Watching a Tyler Perry film is like getting anally raped by two people at the same time. You don't need to experience it first hand to know how truly awful it would be. I've gone this long without seeing one of his 'films'.But the time has finally come for me to to evaluate objectively one of his brilliant muses: MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION.
But I think the question on everyone's mind is: did Tyler Perry write, star, and direct this movie, or are there multiple people named Tyler Perry?
George Needleman (Levy) is taking the fall for a Ponzi scheme. He's facing serious jail time, so a competent lawyer is defending him. To protect their safety, George's wife, Kate (Richards), 2 children, and mother, stay with the attorney's (Perry) mother, Madea (Perry).
For those of you unfamiliar, Madea is a composite character of 'Myrtle Urkel', and Larry Johnson's 'Grandmama'.This may remind you of Martin Lawrence in BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE. But 'Big Momma' was crossdressing for the FBI. He wasn't playing a woman, he was imitating one to achieve a specific end. Whereas, Tyler Perry just likes dressing in women's clothing. But let's not get lost in semantics.
After seeing a clip of GHOST (1990) on TV. George comes up with a plan to make everything right. To gain access to accounts, Madea pretends she is someone named, 'Precious Jackson'. ...you've all seen GHOST. I don't need to go into further detail.
My favorite part: Madea tells the daughter her entire family is dead, to teach her a lesson about respecting one's elders.
After watching this movie, will you develop PTSD; which symptoms include (but not limited to) flashbacks, night terrors, and hallucinations of a 'mad black woman'? I am not sure.
This is the type of thing they would show to terrorists in Guantanamo Bay, if it didn't violate the Geneva Convention. I can't give negative points, so I'll have to give it a zero...yes, absolute zero.
I recommend seeing this with 3D glasses. If you pay attention closely, you can actually feel Tyler Perry taking a dump on your face.
Final Verdict: 0 out 100
Sidenote: You'll see Charlie Sheen in the credits. Apparently, Denise Richards used to go out with him.