PARANOIA
PG-13
104 Minutes
Director: Robert Luketic
Writers: Jason Dean Hall, Barry Levy 
Cast
Liam Hemsworth...Adam Cassidy
Gary Oldman...Nicolas Wyatt
Harrison Ford...Jock Goddard
Amber Heard...Emma Jennings
'Someone is always listening.'
-Movie Dialogue
I was going to review FROZEN GROUND, but I'm having a little writer's block with the Nick Cage jokes. So I'm leaving him out of this week's review. Ladies and Gentleman, make note of this historic event, because it's about as rare as a total lunar eclipse: for one week, a film Nick Cage is in isn't the worst thing playing at the box office.
Interview With The Vampire
Nicolas Wyatt blackmails Adam, an employee of his, to infiltrate a rival cell phone company, and steal their secrets. After getting hired by the rival, Adam has a tough time maintaining the professional façade, and I hope I'm not spoiling anything here, but he becomes a little paranoid. Well, more than just a little, like Art Bell-Tin Foil-Hat paranoid.
Ten minutes into the movie, these are my predictions:
- Things don't go as planned.
- Princeton girl will betray him. Those two are fucking.
- Adam's fake new employer is going to double cross him, as well as his real current employer. Nonetheless, Adam will get his revenge on the double crossers.
- The feds will get involved, but we won't know that untill the end.
- They knew everything...the whole time.
- This movie is going to rock.
Most of my predictions were correct:
- Nothing went as planned, everything went horribly wrong.
- That Princeton girl betrayed him. And those two are definitely fucking. They're soul mates, that will end up getting married.
- Adam's employers double crossed him, but he had the last laugh.
- The feds got involved, but it was more toward the middle of the movie.
- Everyone knew everything, the entire time. Adam should have taken some precautions. If I were him, I'd communicate with handwritten notes and carrier pigeons, and I'd have armoured pigeons to prevent anything from being intercepted. Despite being completely predictable, this movie did not rock. I'll elaborate on that in the last couple paragraphs.
What Didn't Rock
Harrison Ford doesn't play bad guys. All of his characters maintain a high level of self-righteous indignation. To avoid confusion, he shaves his head for this role. So we know he's evil. Just look at Lex Luther, Dr. Evil, and Billy Corgan. You know for a fact that all of these men would kill you in your sleep, if you meddled with their plans of world domination.
This film does everything wrong. The only cliché PARANOID avoids is about not dipping your pen in the company ink. There's also unnecessary characters, plot holes, and an overall lack of character development. Also, with a movie this bad, would it be so hard to Michael Bay it up a bit, with some special effects? I don't want it to be so boring that I fall asleep and wake up in the middle the next showing, that's too cruel.
Final Verdict: 15 out of 100
