Kick-Ass 2

by Edward Dunn



KICK-ASS 2
R
103 Minutes
Director: Jeff Wadlow
Writers: Jeff Wadlow, Mark Millar, John Romita Jr.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse

…if you need a motherfucker I ain’t hard to find -Big Syke, I AIN’T HARD TO FIND (2PAC)

Cast
Aaron Taylor-Johnson… Kick-Ass
Chloë Grace Moretz …Hit-Girl
Christopher Mintz-Plasse…The Motherfucker
Augustus Prew…Ass
Jim Carrey… Colonel Stars and Stripes

This KICK-ASS 2 project failed from the very beginning. Because they broke the first rule of movie making: don’t call a movie KICK ASS, without Nicholas Cage. I can’t stress this enough; the man desperately needs the money. Just assign him a part, he’ll stay out of the way. Most of the cast members are adults now, so there won’t be a repeat of KICK ASS (1).

Introducing all the characters is the most lengthy, and tiresome part of super hero movies. There aren’t any new characters in KICK ASS 2. You know what that means? More ass kicking time.

I thought the first one was too violent. But I think fewer people die in this one. But who’s counting? It’s like saying INGLOURIOUS BASTERDSwas more violent than DJANGO UNCHAINED.

This movie is not grounded in reality. In high school, pale, scrawny guys, with glasses never have super hot girlfriends. And people usually feel bad when they kill others.

By far, the Mindy subplot is the most interesting part of the KICK-ASS 2. Mindy ‘The Hit-Girl’ Hart stops being a superhero for good, and becomes a popular cheerleader. But things aren’t what they seem. She becomes a victim of a CARRIE-like assault by her peers. Don’t worry, she shows them a lesson, oh yes, with a contraption that makes people barf and gives them diarrhea.

‘I don’t want to win, I just want to make the world a better place.’

I don’t get why there is a superhero named ‘Ass’. First, the name isn’t very flattering. And second, the name is confusing. Calling him a ‘pompous ass’ wouldn’t be an insult to him, specifically, but it is insulting to anyone else.

There was a Woody Allen-looking guy. I don’t know what his super power was, but I think it involves seducing adopted Chinese daughters.

Jim Carey convincingly played a different kind of guy. ‘Chip Hazard’, from SMALL SOLDIERS. This Colonel Stars and Stripes is crazy. You can see it, there is one specific moment in which he really loses his head.

The funeral scene, that’s where this movie goes from bad, to truly awful. Why did so many people need to be murdered at a funeral? Eventually, the graveyard battle moves to the freeway. It’s funny how this gun battle doesn’t seem to impede traffic in the slightest. This is the point, where I’m thinking that taking my six-year old nephew to see this was a bad idea.

Maybe I’m a little old-fashioned, being shocked by the level of realistic violence. Sometimes, I like gratuitous violence, especially when it’s directed at innocent women and children. But here, there is just a purposelessness to it all that keeps me from being entertained.

So in summary: I can’t accuse anyone of false advertising, many people get their asses kicked in this movie…And there’s a guy named Kick-Ass. So it kind of works on two levels.

Final Verdict: 40 out of 100




Stolen

by Edward Dunn


STOLEN
R
96 Minutes
Director: Simon West
Writer: David Guggenheim
Nicolas Cage, Malin Akerman, Josh Lucas

'A character is like an acrostic or Alexandrian stanza; read it forward, backward, or across, it still spells the same thing.'-Ralph Waldo EmersonCast
Nicolas Cage Will Montgomery
Josh Lucas Vincent
Danny Huston Tim Harlend
Malin Akerman Riley Jeffers
Sami Gayle Alison Loeb

Nick Cage walks into a crowded movie theater, holding a pistol to a
kitten's head, and says, ' I'm going to pass a collection basket around, give me all your valuables or the kitten gets it.' He fires is a warning shot in the air. When he gets the collection basket back, Nick notices someone put a copy of BANGKOK DANGEROUS in there.  So he shoots the kitten, but worry not, it wasn't a real cat, it was a prop from one of my movie reviews.

This story was an allegory; I'm saying Nick Cage steals your money because you pay to see the movies he stars in that don't have any real value. Most appropriately, the movie's named STOLEN.

I don't remember any of the plot details. Let me jog my memory by looking at the theatrical poster. 12 HOURS - $10 MILLION DOLLARS -1 DAUGHTER...STOLEN.

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Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

by Edward Dunn


"I have some personal issues I kinda like to get fixed."

-Nick Cage as 'Johnny Blaze'

I heard Rob Schneider went up to Cage at a party and he said 'how 'bout we take it easy on the crappy movies, unless you want to put me in one of them'.

What options do you have if your last name is Blaze? It's like someone named Frank: inevitably, he becomes 'Frank the Tank', developing a serious alcohol problem in college.

The first film set the bar on the ground; with this one, it's like someone tripped on their shoelaces before being able to cross it.  Fans of the Ghost Writer franchise (yes, all 3 of them), will be thoroughly disappointed with this latest installment.

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Ghost Rider

by Edward Dunn


You didn’t do it for greed.
You did it for the right reason.
Maybe that puts God on your side.

 
Back in 2007, I heard about this movie. Mentally, all these wonderful possibilities filled my head. Those kids are well into their 30s by now; they can't play young teenagers anymore. Sam Jackson was Jamal's dad: it could be tough getting him back, unless he got paid to do it. Plus, the premise for the show was flimsy—at best.

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