Homefront

HOMEFRONT
R
100 Minutes
Director: Gary Fielder
Writer: Sylvester Stallone
Jason Statham, James Franco, Winona Ryder

CAST
Jason Statham…Phil Broker
James Franco…Morgan ‘Gator’ Bodine
Izabela Vidovic…Maddy Broker
Winona Ryder…Sheryl Marie Mott

Ex-DEA agent, Phil Broker, moved to a new town with his daughter. His wife died and now he’s doing things Danny Tanner style. By mopping the floor clean with his enemies. I don’t know what he does for a living.   His daughter gets in a fight at school with the wrong kid. And this unleashes a battle that really blows the situation out of proportion.

HOMEFRONT feels a bit like ROADHOUSE, except ROADHOUSE wasn’t this ridiculous. This movie feels closer to a condensed episode of BREAKING BAD. Without a story or character development. Gator is like Walter White. Phil is like a bald, DEA agent. There’s no Skyler though. Phil’s wife is long dead. Oh man, you know this is going to be good. Because DEA agents and drug lords go together about as well as two positively-charged ions.

Regardless of the character he’s playing, it’s always difficult not to root for James Franco. And in that way, I think he’s like a skinny Louie Anderson.  But in HOMEFRONT, he plays an unsympathetic, almost comically evil, villain. I didn’t have a problem with Franco cooking meth, but when he killed that kitten, that’s where I stop rooting for him. I found out later, he merely abducted the kitten of a nine-year-old girl. Okay cool, now I’m back on the Franco trolley. But then he tries to kill Jason Statham, and perhaps not return the kitten. This is where I had mixed emotions. On one hand, all the meth money is helping the community, but on the other hand, he’s a sociopath. But then again, meth makes people more productive…hmmm

I’m genuinely surprised to see Jason Statham and James Franco in the same movie. I wonder what the conversation was like for Franco and his agent…

So I’m playing a dooshy, meth dealer, and Jason Statham is the guy seeking revenge on me. And what’s that…Sly Stallone wrote it. Call me Thompson’s Water Seal, cuz I am on board. Perhaps I’ll have to make my trophy case larger, with all the Oscars I’m taking home from this film. And what the hell, why did you wait so long to tell me about this project?…You’re fired.

Everyone dies in the end. Not in this movie though. I think everyone knows how HOMEFRONT ends. One guy kills any desire you had to see movies with Jason Statham.

Final Verdict: 45 out of 100

This Is The End

THIS IS THE END
R
103 Minutes
Directors: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen
Writers: Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, Jason Stone
James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen

CAST (Everyone Plays Themselves)
James Franco
Jonah Hill
Seth Rogen
Jay Baruchel                                                                                                  
Danny McBride
Craig Robinson

Warning: There are some spoilers in this. If you don't want the movie spoiled, watch the movie, and finish reading this review later.

Given the title of this movie, it would be easy to quote DOORS lyrics. But that's like playing the song, 'IRON MAN', at the end of the IRON MAN movie. Anyway, a wise man, whose name escapes me at the moment, once said '...the end is always near.'

Of all the places on earth, Hollywood, is the closest thing to hell on earth. So appropriately enough, our story starts in Hollywood, (the city-not the planet).

The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth

During a party at Franco's house. The rapture begins. The evil people are sucked down into hell, and the good people get sucked up into heaven.

This film is about a group of funny men who have to repent for their earthly sins, which mainly include YOUR HIGHNESS, and that awful GREEN HORNET movie.

This movie plot is plausible, because celebrities tend to keep an enormous reserve of emergency supplies. If there is ever a standoff with the police, they've got a month's supply of food, drink, and recreational supplies.

I liked the heaven scene toward the end. It reminds me of THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS song about 'Rock & Roll Heaven'. And in this picture, that 'hell of a band' is... you guessed it, THE BACKSTREET BOYS. Forget about the rest of the film. The Backstreet Boys reunion, alone, is worth the price of a matinee.

In my version of eternal paradise, there are seven circles of heaven. When I die, I'll be kickin' it on the top circle with Ghandi, Jesus and Kirk Cameron. We'd have these wild parties, do blow all night, and invite hookers from the sixth circle up to hang out and watch episodes of PERFECT STRANGERS.

Notable Fictional Depictions Of Heaven

-2PACALYPSE NOW
2pac in the 'I AIN'T MADE AT MAD AT CHA' music video. He predicted his own untimely demise, and he had a bunch of cool cats hanging out with him in the clouds: Redd Foxx, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, Nat King Cole, Miles Davis, Marvin Gaye, Billie Holiday, Don King, Florence Ballard, Sammy Davis Jr., and Louis Armstrong.
-TITANIC (1997)
They had to end the movie on a positive note, you can't just have people drowning. That's not only predictable, but depressing as well. At the end, the heaven Rose goes to is the Titanic. She's spending eternity in a ship on the perpetual verge of sinking. That doesn't sound so heavenly.
-7TH HEAVEN
While it didn't literally take place in heaven. One hour
a week, I was fooled into thinking heaven is a place on earth.

THIS IS THE END is not good, it's SUPERBAD.

THIS IS THE END
OF MY REVIEW.

Final Verdict: 87 out of 100

Spring Breakers

SPRING BREAKERS
R
94 Minutes
Director: Harmony Korine
Writer: Harmony Korine
Selena Gomez, James Franco, Gucci Mayne

Cast
James Franco…Alien
Selena Gomez…Faith
Vanessa Hudgens…Candy
Ashley Benson…Brit
Rachel Korine… Cotty
Heather Morris…Bess
Gucci Mane … Archie

Smile fo me daddy
(What you lookin at)
Let me see ya grill
(Let you see my what)
Ya, ya grill ya, ya, ya grill
(Rob da jewelry store and tell ‘em make me a grill)
-GRILLZ, Nelly

Florida, the state, not the character from GOOD TIMES, is one of those places I would like to think doesn’t exist. A lie, made up solely to scare young children.

Ponce de León searched for the fountain of youth in Florida. But his efforts were in vain. Little did he know, Florida is a place for people who have entirely given up on life.

This movie is about a group of girls that, very violently, rob a chicken restaurant, getting close to $50,000 dollars. All so they can go on a spring break that never ends.

Everyone here seems like unrealistic caricatures. But it’s all done for good reason. SPRING BREAKERS has one foot in a reality, and another in a separate galaxy. The movie is a film version of a concept album.

He followed Joaquin Phoenix on the set of I’M STILL HERE as research for the role.

‘Alien’ is supposed to be based off small-time rapper, ‘Dangeruss’. But there’s more to his character than that. As a casual observer, I see pieces of Paul Wall, Dirt Nasty, and pre-seizure, Lil Wayne. Also, the name ‘Alien’ is a nod to the Outkast album, ATLIENS.

I ‘m not familiar with Selena Gomez, or her ‘WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE’. All I know is that seeing her in this makes me feel like a pedophile.

He stayed in character for a whole year, corn rows and all. Which made Selena Gomez think James Franco really was a creepy guy. That’s a brilliant move, plausible deniability. This is an example of a conversation the two might have:                     

I’m not hittin’ on you,  your half my age. I’m staying in character to maintain the integrity of this here movie. As James Franco, it’s only natural that your sexual fantasies involve me.  I think you’re letting your imagination get the best of you. While were on the set, could you please try to keep things professional. Now go rinse your mouth out with Scope.

I like this movie, it is a deeply disturbing, unforgettable experience.

Final Verdict: 90 out of 100

Oz The Great And Powerful

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL
PG
130 Minutes
Director: Sam Raimi
Writers: Mitchell Kapner, David Lindsay-Abaire, L. Frank Baum
James Franco, Michelle Williams, Mila Kunis

I banish you from the Emerald City, never to return.
-Seattle Municipal Court Judge  (Katt Williams vs The State of Washington)

Cast
James Franco–Oz
Mila Kunis–Theodora
Rachel Weisz–Evanora
Michelle Williams–Annie / Glinda
Zach Braff–Frank / Finley
Bill Cobbs–Master Tinker
Joey King–Girl in Wheelchair / China Girl

Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon
The world’s a nicer place in my beautiful balloon
-THE FIFTH DIMENSION
 
This film begins in black and white. Oz leaves  a crime scene in a hot air balloon, in the middle of a tornado. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a Skittles commercial, unlike any other.

Try, Try, Try To Understand…..I’m A Magic Man

As illustrated in first WIZARD OF OZ (1939). The ‘wizard’, was actually incapable of granting wishes. This wizard was a fraud. People are deceived by appearances, and he used this to his advantage. Still, he uses this ability for a noble purpose.

Kunis, Williams, and Franco: sitcom  stars of the 90′s unite. Surprisingly, Melissa Joan Hart has no part of this. She should’ve at least had a small cameo, it would be a joke… that only I would get.

I don’t understand this Kingdom Of Oz. Who’s to say a traditional monarchy is right for people of Oz? I would have strived to create a more just, democratic society. Look at roads, they are literally paved with gold. All because a tyrant wanted it that way.

Good Witch…Good Grief

Good witch, it sounds like a contradiction in terms; like a cokehead comedian. A good witch is not a witch at all, she (or he) more closely resembles a fairy godmother.
There’s a monkey in this movie. It’s about the most god damn adorable monkey I’ve ever seen. Think Ross’s monkey on FRIENDS. Except, it can talk, fly, and not interact with David Schwimmer.

I thought the monkey was played by Billy Crystal. But it was that guy from SCRUBS. I had all these Billy Crystal jokes ready. You’re just going to have to wait for Billy Crystal to do a bad movie to hear them.

There's No Place Like Home

The film is done with the right amount of seriousness. Yet there’s acknowledgement to the ridiculousness of it all. Much akin to the first SHREK.

OZ lacks depth, realistic characters, and musical numbers. This movie is good enough to check out, but it’s not essential viewing. If you are looking for something to sync up with the DARKSIDE OF THE MOON, I suggest you look elsewhere.

Final Verdict: 76 out of 100

Sidenote: I’m always confusing Munchkins with Oompa-Loompas. I can’t be the only one.
Side-Sidenote: If you want to see an Oz film without token black actors. You might want to watch THE WHIZ (1978). Starring Michael Jackson and Diana Ross.