FROZEN
PG
108 Minutes
Directors: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Writers: Jennifer Lee, Chris Buck
Stars: Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, Idina Menzel
CAST
Kristen Bell..Anna
Idina Menzel… Elsa
Jonathan Groff…Kristoff
Josh Gad…Olaf
Santino Fontana…Hans
Alan Tudyk… Duke
‘Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it’s the chilling sound of your doom.’-Mr Freeze, BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
Ice To Meet You
FROZEN is a tale of two, vaguely Scandinavian sisters, Queen Elsa and Princess Anna, who rein in the Kingdom of Arendelle. And if you were wondering, these women were not democratically elected.
Queen Elsa spends more time with ice than Tanya Harding. She is beauty and beast, simultaneously. Because she is a beauty, shunned by the people as freakish, and dangerous. Elsa is a female version of the Jack Frost from LEGENDS OF GUARDIAN, and SANTA CLAUSE 3. Don’t let the film, JACK FROST confuse you. That character doesn’t create snow, he can only use it to come back to life for his son to beat up a school bully.
With a title like FROZEN, automatically, you’ll compare it to another movie. But let me assure you, this film is nothing like ICE AGE. Sure there is snow and ice. And furry, wise-cracking animals. But that’s it. And it’s not like FROZEN was made for the sole purpose of making money.
Walking In A Winter Wonderland
FROZEN is an avalanche of many long, boring songs. Although I found the ‘REINDEERS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE’ song incredibly enchanting, and persuasive. The soundtrack isn’t my main complaint, because the music is never good in a cartoon. Unless it’s THE JUNGLE BOOK.
In a movie about perpetual winter. You’ll be surprised to find that there are no DQ Blizzards, Icees, or Mr Freeze pop…characters. Would it really hurt anyone to have Sir Issac Lime make a cameo appearance?
Olaf, the snowman is like that kid from THE BLIND SIDE. Not super annoying, just a little irritating, to the point–you almost wished that Michael Oher didn’t save him in that car accident. As is, Olaf is a little too close to that David Spade character in THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE. In FROZEN, this snowman character should’ve been less obnoxious, and a little more adorable. I’d also be open to a stoner snowman as well. He’d be named Bro-Zen. This snowman would always have potent cron-don in his corn-cob pipe. Dispensing sage advice contained in key moments throughout the film. David Cox-Arquette will do the voice.
‘An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart.’
It’s difficult not to feel like a jaded, cynical asshole. Critiquing an anti-feminist, children’s cartoon. But even if I were a kid, there is no way I would have liked this movie. It’s about a queen and a princess that don’t really do much, or have much fun.
Visually, this movie looks spectacular. Like a well-animated, 90-minute snow globe. So I recommend you rent FROZEN next year. And play it in the background during a holiday party. But put it on mute, because you never know, it might sync up with DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.
Merry Christmas Everyone
Final Verdict: 50 out 100
