About Time

ABOUT TIME
PG-13
123 Minutes
Director: Richard Curtis
Writer: Richard Curtis
Domhnall Gleeson, Rachel McAdams, Bill Nighy

CAST
Domhnall Gleeson...Tim
Rachel McAdams...Mary
Bill Nighy...Dad
Lydia Wilson...Kit Kat
Lindsay Duncan...Mum

'I'm a sucker for time travel movies.  Even ones with Kenau Reeves.' -E. Dunn

Back To The Future

A great rapper one said life is too short , but maybe it doesn't have to be. This story involves Tim, a young English man. He kind of looks like that ginger kid from Harry Potter. And he comes across as another version of Hugh Grant, except he's charming, and lands all his jokes.

On his 21st birthday, Tim's father tells him he can relive any moment of his life with time travel. To time travel, you go into a closet, clench your fists, and think about the moment you want to travel to. That's the basic premise. There are many caveats, but I don't want to bore you with those details.

If I Could Turn Back Time

In ALADDIN, Robin Williams said you can make people love you. This rule always applies to the movie world, any probably to life is well.  And it's true in this movie. But with Tim's gift, I think he'd have no problem in finding quality women to sleep with. For a 21-year-old man, that's just as good.

This all sounds wonderful. But I'm sure there be a downside. You might experience more tragedy in your life as well. Like all those hangovers. No wait, I've got it. I can avoid that mess by recreating the same drunken night, over and over...brilliant.

GROUNDHOG DAY appears like the most comparable film to ABOUT TIME. But it's very much different. For starters, Bill Murray is in around. Secondly, in GROUNDHOG DAY, the main character lives the same day, indefinitely, and it's not by choice. But in this film, Tim gets to relive any moment of his own life, and live with some of the consequences.

There's an old cliché that no one's perfect. But I've always thought that even if you could be perfect, it isn't like all your problems would end. You'd still have to deal with envious people, intent on ruining your life. At least that's always been my experience. In this story, Tim is perfect. It never felt like he experienced any form of personal tragedy. Perhaps Tim would really experience life this way. Still, this lack of conflict makes me think the movie is missing something. Because there's not enough downside to Tim's 'affliction'. Overall, this issue doesn't detract much from the film.

Perfect The Art Of Dying

Maybe the point of ABOUT TIME is that we shouldn't spend our limited time watching movies, even this one. Although this seems unlikely, that type of message wouldn't take two hours to convey. ABOUT TIME is original thoughtful and life affirming. Watching it will make you feel good: watching-kitten-videos-on-YouTube feel good. Watch this when you feel like it, you've got plenty of time.

Final Verdict: 90 out of 100

Tyler Perry's Temptation

TYLER PERRY’S TEMPTATION
PG-13
111 Minutes
Director: Tyler Perry
Writer: Tyler Perry
Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Vanessa Williams, Brandy Norwood

In Loving Memory of Roger Ebert (1942 –2013)Cast
Jurnee Smollett-Bell…Judith
Lance Gross…Brice
Kim Kardashian…Ava
Vanessa Williams…Janice
Robbie Jones…Harley
Brandy Norwood…Melinda

I don’t see too many Tyler Perry movies. Two, at last count. But this time, I experienced something unusual. I found myself in a packed theater, surrounded by white people who paid to see this movie. And they were laughing hysterically in random, inexplicable intervals.

Thirty minutes into this film, I thought this was the best Tyler Perry movie ever made. I suppose it was, technically speaking.

Brice and Judith are a boring, young couple. Brice is a lowly pharmacist and Judith works as a matchmaker for rich guys. And their marriage is in a bit of a rut.

She’s A Fine Girl, What A Good Wife She Would Be

Brice hires Melinda (Brandy) to work at his pharmacy. More on her later.

Brice, her husband, misses her birthday for the second year in a row. All was forgiven after she received some flowers at work. But wait a minute. Those flowers weren’t from her husband, they were from Harley.

Harley is one of Judith’s clients. Being married, Judy put up a good fight. Nonetheless, he was persistent, and pursued her relentlessly. You know something will happen between these people. I don’t know how. It all depends on how many weapons this gentleman has in his arsenal of seduction

Harley is a darker, non-golfing version of Tiger Woods. With as much passion as Tyrese and Tiger Woods put together. And he’s a billionaire.

Ahhhh Shit!

You could tell Judith had mixed feelings. She wanted to cheat on her husband, but she didn’t want to feel guilty about it.

I love the part where Harley kicked the shit out of Judith’s mom. He was very nonchalant about the incident. Sure, he’s a sociopath, and an irrational one at that. But it’s because his mother, literally, abandoned him in a crack house as an infant.

3 Letters Took Him To His Final Resting Place

Brice finds out Melinda, his employee, got AIDS from the same guy…oh, I’m sorry, HIV.

Judith, that two-timing whore got HIV. Serves her right, philandering and fornicating with that handsome devil.

There are many issues of plausibility in this movie. As a billionaire with HIV; word would get out pretty fast. Do you think Magic ‘Johnson’ goes on AIDS rampages, infecting women, left and right?

Saving The Best For Last (This Reference Works Because Vanessa Williams Is In This Movie)

Tyler Perry did something extraordinary, he made something derivative of his own screenplay. Which in itself was derivative. Derivative to the third power: D³  like the MIGHTY DUCKS. This man deserves a standing ovation.

Final Verdict: 14 out of 100

Sidenote: I couldn’t find an appropriate spot to place a Brandy-DUI joke: sincerest apologies. 

Robot and Frank

ROBOT AND FRANK
PG-13
89 Minutes
Director: Jake Schreier
Writer: Christopher D. Ford
Stars: Peter Sarsgaard, Frank Langella, Susan Sarandon

Frank and the Heaven's Gate Dude; the resemblance is uncannyCast
Frank Langella--Frank
James Marsden--Hunter
Liv Tyler--Madison
Susan Sarandon--Jennifer
Peter Sarsgaard--Robot (voice)

'Before allowing a machine to take over a part of your life, make sure that you know the true price you will be paying.'-OUTER LIMITS, S07E01, FAMILY VALUES (the episode with Tom Arnold)

Isaac Asimov's 'Laws of Robotics' aren't real laws. Lazy science-fiction writers often forget this. Do you know how many cats those 'Roomba' vacuum cleaners have killed? Zero, thus far, but who knows what the future holds.

Frank is a retired cat burglar. As a gift, he receives a robot, to help with household chores. But this android is capable of so much more. As a machine, he has no moral qualms about robbing people. His only responsibility is to serve Frank, as Frank sees fit. With two 'men', Frank can plan a heist.

This fictional robot is not comparable to A.I., BICENTENNIAL MAN, or 'Urkel-Bot'. Those characters were played by actors pretending to be robots. Although, strangely enough, only in BICENTENNIAL MAN, does Robin Williams come close to resembling a human being.

We're dealing with robot-looking robots here. A human-sounding, robot-looking android. If you want to hear my thoughts on robots that look like people, and whether it's okay to make love to a robot that looks like your wife's friend. You'll have to wait.

Frank's robot behaves like an impressionable child, a nagging wife, and a criminal mastermind. He's got a 'KITT', from KNIGHT-RIDER, demeanor. Resembling a LEGO STAR WARS SNOWTROOPER.

More than anything, ROBOT AND FRANK is a little boring. It seems as though the film maker was trying hard to make a point. But I can't decipher what that point actually was. That's not to say this film didn't explore interesting issues, it certainly did. One of those issues: man's emotional attachment to robots. But if you really wanted to explore this attachment, you could have just as easily watched FUTURAMA, or that movie with 'Number 5' and Steve Gutenberg.

Final Verdict: 72 out of 100

Silver Lining's Playbook

SILVER LINING'S PLAYBOOK
R
122 Minutes
Director: David O. Russell
Writers: David O. Russell, Matthew Quick
Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert De Niro

'She drives me crazy and I can't help myself.' - FINE YOUNG CANIBALS (1989)

CAST
Bradley Cooper--Pat
Jennifer Lawrence--Tiffany
Robert De Niro-- Pat Sr.
Jacki Weaver--Dolores
Chris Tucker--Danny

Patrick is a bi-polar man, who had a violent meltdown. After serving some time in the 'loony bin', he gets released to his mother. I meant 'psychiatric hospital' not 'loony bin'. However difficult it may be, he's trying to move on with his life, staying positive.

Tiffany is a much younger woman. Because her husband died tragically, she has her own mental health issues to deal with. To me, she seems a little young to have a dead husband. I'm not sure you stay married once the person dies. But I suppose, poetically speaking, love is eternal.

It's not obvious, at first, but Tiffany and Patrick will become 'crazy in love', to quote Beyoncé.

Bradley Cooper is trying hard not to be that guy that was in THE HANGOVER, especially after that last sequel. Delibrately, he's trying to appear more intellectual in his film roles. But his efforts haven't been in vain. I'm just now beginnig the process of starting to like him.

In case you were wondering, those photos of Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini aren't real. You should probably put away the Jergens and Kleenex. Jennifer Lawrence always looked as competent as the other big names in this picture. She has a long future ahead of her. Dare I say: people might still go to see her movies after she becomes old and unattractive.

It's funny, a toned-down Chris Tucker is still able to play a mentally ill patient. All kidding aside, I do like this version of Chris Tucker.

Robert De Niro, isn't essential to SILVER LINING'S PLAYBOOK. He plays Patrick's dad. An OCD, compulsive gambler, who loves the Eagles. This is where I might say the Eagles football team, for clarification. But it's unnecessary; sure, a few people can tolerate 'The Eagles' band, but no one loves them.

Is this good enough to be nominated for Best Picture?

Not likely, no movie comes close to DJANGO UNCHAINED. I'm not even sure SILVER LINING'S PLAYBOOK is as good as Ben Affleck's film ('good as Ben Affleck's film' that phrase does sound funny).

While I could always sense where the movie was going, I still wanted to finish it. When the credits roll, you feel good, that is, unless you wanted something more than a 'feel good movie'.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

Moonrise Kingdom

MOONRISE KINGDOM
PG-13
94 Minutes
Director: Wes Anderson
Writers: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola
Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, Bruce Willis  

First day of search party for Sam Shakusky. Morale is extremely low, in part, I suppose, because Sam is, unfortunately, the least popular scout in the troop, by a significant margin. I’m worried, and I’m confused....
-Scout Master Ward's Log: September 2nd (1965)

Bruce Willis Captain Sharp
Edward Norton Scout Master Ward
Bill Murray Walt Bishop
Kara Hayward Suzy
Frances McDormand Laura Bishop
Jared Gilman Sam
Tilda Swinton  Social Services
Jason Schwartzman Cousin Ben
Harvey Keitel Commander Pierce
Bob Balaban Narrator
Snoopy Jack Russell Terrier                           
None of Wilson brothers?

'Didn't you get my letter of resignation? I quit the Khaki Scouts.'

This story sails off on a fictitious island, near the New England coastline, circa 1965.

Suzy and Sam, are a couple of crazy kids on a romantic adventure. Suzy is 12, and Sam is 32...I mean 12.

The film is about the search to find these two children. The search party is comprised of parents, a police officer, and the 'deputized' local Khacki Scout troop.

Bruce Willis plays a cop, this is where my skepticism creeps in. Really? This guy, an officer of the law, I just don't know.

Edward Norton portrays Scout Master Ward with the utmost seriousness, and sincerity. Master Ward tape records scout logs while chain-smoking, and consuming brandy.

This movie runs completely contrary to 'Murphy's law'. Hundreds of things that could have went wrong, didn't. Typically, scout leaders molest children, but that didn't happen here, at least not on camera.

There are many historical inaccuracies, having been alive in 1965, I can tell. Mostly small things, like car models that didn't exist yet. I believe he did this on purpose. Distracting the audience, to cover up the more egregious errors. Like cheap fabric dyes that didn't exist in 1965. Mr. Anderson: I'm on to you.

It's a tale told the way someone would remember a life event: inaccurately. The movie is a surreal fantasy, but I never once had to suspend disbelief. You find sinking into their reality; like wandering around in someone else's dream.

What I like most is the ending, because there isn't one. Endings only exist in the world of fiction.

MOONRISE KINGDOM is the perfect intertwining of comedy and drama. I recommend not downloading this off the internet for free. The best film you will see all year. That is, unless you watch a better movie from a different year. Like CITIZEN CANE, or something.

Final Verdict 95 out of 100

Bernie

BERNIE
PG-13
104 Minutes
Director: Richard Linklater
Writers: Richard Linklater (screenplay), Skip Hollandsworth (screenplay)
Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey

“I have found strength where one does not look for it: in simple, mild, and pleasant people, without the least desire to rule...The powerful natures dominate, it is a necessity, they need not lift one finger. -Friedrich Nietzsche. Nachlass, Fall 1880

Cast
Matthew McConaughey-Danny Buck
Jack Black-Bernie Tiede
Shirley MacLaine-Marjorie Nugent

Bernie has been called a dark comedy, but I feel this to be highly inaccurate. This story actually happened. It's a bizarre film that transcends genre, Unlike dead baby jokes; I felt uneasy laughing, even during the funny parts. Still, this is not Jack Black's least funny movie. That proud distinction belongs to NACHO LIBRE (2006).

Bernie Tiede worked as an assistant funeral director in Carthage, Texas. Funeral home directors have to try harder to be perceived as normal. You know want to be the creepy mortician, a necrophiliac of sorts, especially in a small town. So there's some overcompensation. Because a creepy mortician would be the first suspect in any murder investigation.

Bernie kept in touch with all the widows. Dropping by these ladies houses, giving them flowers and cards. He loved 'golden girls', and this was just the best way of getting into their Depends. I'm only kidding, of course, he wasn't into women all that much. Some might say, he was 'a little light in the loafers', to use the Texas vernacular.

If Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau could teach us anything, it's that polar opposites shouldn't live together in movies. This is where the problems began for Bernie and Marjorie. Their relationship began like a bad marriage. Marjorie gave him power of attorney, or a blank checkbook.

Pablo Escobar was liked, in spite of being a ruthless drug lord. Funny, when you build soccer stadiums people seem that conveniently forget all the harm you've caused. But Bernie wasn't a bad guy from the start. He was a real-life Ned Flanders. He spread his newfound wealth all over town, because it was already in his generous nature. This is a man that just snapped after being trapped with an emotionally abusive woman. It could happen to any of us; Billy Corgan was right, 'the killer in you is the killer in me'.

I've always maintained that the only time Matthew McConnaughy doesn't stink, is when he is in those Dolce and Gabbana cologne ads. He has experience playing dumb people and lawyers. But combining these two things has proven quite the challenge for him. In this movie, but, he played the dopey, country bumpkin, District Attorney. It's too much, no one that dumb could graduate law school, and pass the bar exam: no-sir-e-bob.

While there weren't too many LOL moments, this movie told an original, real-life story, most effectively. In short, this movie was well executed, if you'll pardon the pun.

Final Verdict: 82 out of 100

The Man Without a Face (Retro)

THE MAN WITHOUT A FACE(1993)

PG-13

115 min

Director: Mel Gibson

Writers: Isabelle Holland (novel), Malcolm MacRury (screenplay)

Mel Gibson, Nick Stahl, Margaret Whitton

Staples of the 90s

Mother's gone too far -- she's put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented THE MAN WITHOUT A FACE -- I didn't even know we had a problem!

-Principal Skinner, THE SIMPSONS, 4F18

Cast

Chuck Norstadt-Nick Stahl

Ted Danson Faceless Man-Mel Gibson

Catherine Palin (Mother)- Margaret Whitton

In the movie world, 1993 was a year of animals, featuring Dinosaurs, a lovable orca whale, and Adolph Hitler. People tend to forget about the less successful, and often less critically acclaimed films. Like DENNIS THE MENACE, and the movie I'm reviewing here.

There is that period between LETHAL WEAPON IIand PAYBACK; where Mel Gibson directed a few movies. As a passionate cinéaste, he wanted to be taken seriously, not just as a mere, distinguished thespian, but as a handsome director.

Before he went craz...ier, he made BRAVEHEART and THE MAN WITHOUT A FACE.

And to answer your question, no this isn't a prequel to FACEOFF(1995).

The Summer After the 'Summer of Love'

Chuck wants to get into a military academy. This is in stark contrast to the social, and intellectual views of his genius family. He failed the admissions test, but he is determined to give it another go. He's hanging out in Maine, with the family at the summer home.

Chuck's father died in a mental institution, but his mom lies to him; saying he died in military combat. The boy needed a strong father figure in his life, and he found one. A former teacher that lives in a large estate on the edge of town: Jack McLeod.

There are differences between the movie and the book it’s based on. In the novel, the teacher may have been a pedophile. Whereas, in the movie he is merely a creepy, disfigured recluse; who meets with a 12-year old every day.

People are going to find out I don't know what I'm doing. I have to direct this film...what am going to do?

-Mel Gibson 2004 DVD Featurette

There are literal, as well as symbolic references to Shakespeare's MERCHANT OF VENICE (1598). Which I find interesting, in light of his more recent anti-Semitic rantings and movies. Contrary to his public behavior, he is not a moron. Surprisingly, he possesses a more nuanced understanding of the themes in Shakespeare's play; I must commend him for that, if nothing else.

Once you get past how ugly Mel Gibson's character is, there is a story, but it’s not very interesting. I mean it, no exaggeration, you can take my words at face value.

Final Verdict: 58 out of 100

Sidenote: reviewing The Avengers next.

50/50

50/50
100 minutes
R
Director: Jonathan Levine
Writer: Will Reiser
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen,
Anna Kendrick, Bryce Dallas Howard, Anjelica Huston
Serge Houde, Andrew Airlie, Matt Frewer

'Everyone dies, you know.'
-Lowell (KINDERGARTEN COP, 1990)

Well, we knew this day would come; alas, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is no longer playing high school kids.

Adam (Gordon-Levitt,), 27,  works at a public radio station.  Best friend, Kyle (Rogen) works there as well. Working ever so diligently on a volcano story; until some important news erupted in his face: he has a malignant tumor. Kyle has a 50 percent chance of dying.

Eventually, you may see this movie on VH1—because this is a 'movie that rocks' (get it, with the volcanoes)

Rachael (Howard), his girlfriend is an abstract artist, Before he had cancer she didn't seem too attached to him. On one occasion, she was late picking him up from the hospital.

Abstract art, public radio, I know what your thinking, no, this doesn't take place in Milwaukee. They filmed this in Vancouver, but it genuinely looks like Seattle, really. I'm not sure if they built a life size replica of the Space Needle, or if it was stock footage.

During his chemotherapy sessions, he befriends a couple of much older patients: Mitch (Frewer) and Alan (Hall), old. The first time they met, they all got high on pot brownies.

Katherine (Kendrick, UP IN THE AIR, 2009) is a therapist-in-training, she isn't a doctor yet. Just 24 years old, she seems detached, disinterested, and impersonal. Adam is just a character in her dissertation. Underneath it all,  she understands the importance of her role in this particular situation.

One night, Kyle spots Racheal at her art show, she is making out with some Jesus-looking dude. He  takes a cell phone picture of the two, and confronts her at Kyle's place.

Adam: You should go.
Rachael: [Kissing him] I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you.
Adam: No, seriously... you need to get the fuck off my porch.

In one scene, Adam and Kyle take bong hits and watch TV all day. It seems Seth Rogen is always playing stoners. In this movie, he is just a guy who recreationally smokes pot, from time to time...everyday. Oh yes, there is absolutely a difference.

Normally, I would expect a movie about having cancer to be depressing. The people in this film are real characters, with real character.  You should rent this when it comes out.

So, what is 50/50?
Answer: One.

Final Verdict: 88 out 100

Sidenote: I refrained from making an Angels in the Outfield reference, having already done so in my previous review. 

The Beaver

THE BEAVER
PG-13
91 minutes
Director: Jodie Foster
Writer: Kyle Killen
Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, Anton Yelchin, Riley Thomas Stewart, Matt Lauer

The Beaver: As of now, Walter is resigning. And putting me in charge!

In this documentary, we follow Mel Gibson in his day-to-day life. We see him spiral out of control; slowly drifting deeper into insanity. Walking around the house all drunk and depressed, he eventually takes this pity party into a motel room. He fails to commit suicide in his motel room. From here, he starts talking with a puppet, like Mr. Hat on SOUTH PARK this puppet sounds like Michael Caine.

Walter Black: Who are you?
The Beaver: I’m the beaver, Walter. And I’m here to save your damn life.

At this point, I released I was not watching a documentary. This is a fictional movie that Jodie Foster directed. This film was released quietly, with little fanfare. This movie was finished before he allegedly, assaulted his ex-girlfriend, and before those secretly recorded phone conversations.

Walter Black (Gibson) is the president of a toy company. He has a long history of mental health issues. Out of nowhere, he becomes completely debilitated by serious depression. He develops a coping mechanism, communicating with others through use of a puppet.



 Merideth (Foster) is his wife.

'I’ve been very patient. But I want you. Not him.'

 Porter (Yelkin) is a high school senior. Applied to Brown University, only to turned down. Writes classmates essays for cash. He is in the process of writing a graduation speech for someone else.

 Henry (Stewart) is five years old.

Meredith (Foster) decides to give Walter an ultimatum: it is either your family or the puppet. He chooses the puppet. Later, when he tries destroying the puppet, the puppet cuts off his hand.

Henry: Is dad gone?
Meredith: He’s not gone, honey. We just…agreed that it’s better if we don’t live together anymore.

It is strange, seeing Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson on the same screen. Just think, Jodie Foster wanted Mel Gibson to be in her movie.

Mel Gibson was the only entertaining person in this film, and he was only funny for about 45 minutes. By funny, I mean it in the ironic sense.
 

Final Verdict: 50 out of 100

Sidenote:

This beaver puppet thing has be done before.

At first glance, it sounds like 'Ranger Joe' on Full House.

But that is not the case.

You see, Ranger Joe had a woodchuck (commonly known  as a groundhog), woodchucks and beavers are completely different animals.