Grown Ups 2

GROWN UPS II
PG-13
111 Minutes
Director: Dennis Dugan
Writers: Fred Wolf, Adam Sandler
Adam Sandler, Salma Hayek, Kevin James, Kurt McKenzie

Cast
Adam Sandler…Lenny Feder
Salma Hayek…Roxanne Chase-Feder
Kevin James…Eric Lamonsoff
Chris Rock…Kurt McKenzie

The deeper we fall
The stronger we stay
And we’ll be better
The second time around
STEP BY STEP (THEME SONG)

BILLY MADISON PART VII

Walking into this, I knew, the second movie would be better than the first GROWN UPS. Because movie ratings don’t go less than zero.

GROWN UPS (1) made so much money,  Adam Sandler gave Maseratis to the main cast members, and he still had enough money left over to make a sequel.

BEDTIME STORIES

The main plot, from what I could tell. The old guys, and a local fraternity are at war. Over a swimming quarry, and who it belongs to. The Alpha Betas are the whitest, waspiest, college guys ever.  And the grand finale involves a battle between the two groups.

Nick Swardson, star of the worst movie ever made, BUCKY LARSON, replaces, Rob Schneider in GROWN UPS II. He plays a burnout bus driver (think ‘Auto’ from THE SIMPSONS) with complete perfection.

Let’s move on to a man who’s made the second worst movie of all time. Former NBA baller, and basketball player, Shaquille ‘The Shamrock’ O’Neil. In Miami, he’s banned from lawn enforcement, not for making KAZAAM, but for using foul language in a freestyle rap…while drunk at a concert. Which is interesting, since  the ‘man of steel’ released five profanity-laced, studio albums before becoming a police officer. Anyway, the rap was about Kobe.  O’Neil should get a free pass; or does the Miami Beach Sheriff think that raping hotel employees is cool? But I digress. O’Neil’s desire to implement the law is still intact. In GROWN UPS II, he plays a cop, who isn’t too keen on law and order. Shaq is kind of funny in this role,  which is more than I can say about most of the cast.

The blonde kid from HARRY POTTER is at it again. Here, he  runs a summer camp for special needs kids…No, I’m joking, he’s playing a dooshy frat guy. And that’s the type of guy he will play, forever. That is, unless Macaulay Culkin dies during the filming of HOME ALONE 10: LOST IN THE NURSING HOME. In which case, he would make a suitable replacement.

GROWN UPS DRIVER

‘We’re irrelevant, we’re losers. You saw the way those frat guys treated us.’

What’s most upsetting is the waste of comedic talent. Except for David Spade, all these comedians are capable of much more, hilarity.

Now we get a second movie that no one asked for. No wait, that’s wrong, many people wanted this sequel. Not me though, I thought  a sub-par sequel might tarnish the legacy of the GROWN UPS franchise. But I was wrong: GROWN UPS II surpassed my expectations.

Final Verdict: 28 out of 100
Sidenote: Stayed tuned for a retro review of BLIND FURY.

That's My Boy

THAT'S MY BOY
R
114 minutes
Director: Sean Anders
Writer: David Caspe
Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester

The second edition of: 'hey, that wasn’t as crappy as I thought it was gonna be.'

Cast
Adam Sandler-Donny
Andy Samberg-Todd
Leighton Meester-Jamie
Susan Sarandon-Mary McGarricle

The Plot
Adam laughs so hard at one of his own movies, that he dies. When he arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter gives him an ultimatum: before you pass, I'm going to need you to make one funny movie with Rob Schneider. Otherwise, you'll spend eternity watching Little Nicky. Okay, I made that up, but it sounds plausible, right?

Maybe all those PG-13 comedies has stifled his creativity. Now, we are finally able to see his raw comedic talent, unrestrained by the bounds of the MPAA.

Lovechild―Never Meant To Be.

Todd is the product of an inappropriate Teacher-Student relationship, his mother is still in jail. Todd's real name is Han Solo, because that's what a 13-year-old boy would name his kid. As an adult, Hans disowns his parents. He creates a fake life story that involves his parents being dead. Hans changed his name to Todd, and now he's an uptight hedge fund manager.

His father, Donny (Sandler) is burnout loser. When I saw him pop that can of Natural Ice, I knew had some 'Father of the Year' trophies lying around.

We've all seen this movie before. The deadbeat dad gets back in the picture, after his son becomes successful.

Todd is this boring, uptight guy and Donny looks like an ulta-charming guy, who does everything right. There's a sort of What About Bob-dynamic to the plot. By the end of that movie, Richard Dreyfuss looked crazier than his psychiatric patient (Murray). One might say, the doctor ran out of patience.

James Caan, Susan Sarandon, Todd Bridges, and Sean's Dad from Boy Meets World. Do think these celebrities would be in a bad comedy? Perhaps? Well alright, but they aren't that bad in this one. Oh, I almost forgot, Todd Bridges is in this, but he wasn't on screen long enough to bug me.

The Secret of the Ooze
With all the early nineties cultural references, I was practically spooging in my pants. Vanilla Ice, Adam Sandler, New Kids on the Block, even Ian Ziering gets into the mix, that's right, Steve Sanders himself.

This is unoriginal, mindless, and about as low brow as it gets. But a comedy can only be judged by how funny it is, none of them are flawless.

I wanted to hate this movie. I'm sure many people wrote reviews before actually seeing the film. Everything is completely ridiculous, but it works. They kind of ease you into the ridiculousness, the way you might ease into a hot tub. So pop the Champale, Adam Sandler was in a kind of okay movie.

'...now that's what I call a hole in one. '

Final Verdict: 70 out of 100