ESCAPE PLAN
R
115 Minutes
Director: Mikael Håfström
Writers: Miles Chapman, Jason Keller,
Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, 50 Cent
CAST
Sylvester Stallone…Ray Breslin
Arnold Schwarzenegger…Emil Rottmayer
Jim Caviezel…Hobbes
Vincent D’Onofrio…Lester Clark
Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson…Hush
Basic premise: After a 30 year stint for aggravated manslaughter, Ray Breslin becomes a school janitor. Ten minutes later, he holds a classroom hostage. During an 8 hour standoff, Sly murdered and raped an entire class of third graders. After taking care of business, Sly surrendered to local authorities. He gets life in prison, and now Breslin plans his escape.
What If Everything Goes Wrong?
Not really, here’s the real story. Ray Breslin escapes from jail, for a living. He tests maximum security prisons, and writes big books on prison security. Ray can break out of any prison designed by man.
Mr. Breslin goes to an off-the-grid, privately run prison. This place houses terrorists, and the monsters that download music illegally. It makes Gitmo look like Chuck E. Cheese. On his first day in the joint, the warden wants to put a little scare into him; so Ray’s eyes get pinned open, CLOCKWORK ORANGE style. And the warden makes him watch COBRA, once, all the way through.
This Prison Just Exceeded Its Maximum Capacity…Him.
Ray has escaped for decades, but at such an advanced age, without a constant supply of HGH, his physical condition deteriorates quickly, making escape much more difficult. He’s going to have to rely solely on skill. This is where all that RAMBO/ROCKY/STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT training pays off.
Smart people usually don’t end up in maximum security prison. In LAW AND ORDER:CI, Detective Goren lands himself in jail. All to prove that the prison was killing problem inmates. The premise of that episode was different, still though, both Goren and Ray had to play a pretend, dumb prisoner.
Get Free Or Die Tryin’
Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson plays a smart guy with glasses. But don’t worry, this Poindexter proves he is still gangsta as shit.
Vincent D’Onofrio plays the head of a prison security analyst firm…who is secretly evil. He doesn’t want Stallone to leave the jail he’s landed himself in. For the first time, I’m a little disappointed with D’Onofrio here. He is getting a lower placement on my top three actors list.
Current list:
1. Christopher Walken
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman
3. Vincent D’Onofrio
Vince, I’m sorry it had to come down to this.
Arnold and Stallone have a chemistry I didn’t expect. Ten years from now , I could see them doing GRUMPIEST OLD MEN together, this film’s sequel. Someone is going to have to take care of all those members of al-Qaeda that escaped in this movie.
Last Words
In any good prison escape film, there’s a final showdown with the warden. Like you duct tape your hand to an electric chair switch, while Donald Sutherland is sitting down in the chair. That type of pivotal moment doesn’t exist here, and it’s unfortunate. Still though, I think ESCAPE PLAN is worth seeing. I know this film is bad, yet I can’t take my eyes off it. Nothing is good, everything is predictable. I like it, but you might not. It’s probably best to watch this hung over.
Final Verdict: 70 out of 100
